Personal holidays

March 23, March 24, March 30, April 4, July 26, September 2, September 23, October 29. These are some of my personal holidays. To say what they all mean would take some of the magic out of their significance, but I can talk about some.

April 4 is when my years turn over. I don’t have new year’s resolutions, but my yearly reviews happen around this time. I think about my personal values, how they’ve changed over the past year, how I’ve lived them, where I want to go. On April 4, 2016, I was going to kill myself, but I didn’t. The day symbolizes another chance to live.

October 29 is when I first ran away from home. A personal independence day. Each year I make it a point to eat out with some good friends at a nice place. It symbolizes taking the reins on my own life. Deciding that if I was going to keep living it, it would be on my own terms. You know: master of my fate, captain of my soul.

September 23, 2018, is my day zero. The day I ran away from home for the last time. Yesterday I celebrated day two thousand. On the top of my todo list I have the current date and a day counter. Every day, I update both numbers. The intent is to stay faithful to the multitudes of selves whom I promised would live to see this day. Fifteen-year old CJ would be happy to know I’ve gone this far. I wouldn’t want to disappoint him.

The other day I finished watching Carol and the End of the World. I view it as an existential drama upholding the value of daily routines and small personal connections. It’s a slow burn. Life is lived not only through the large events, but the glue that connects them.